Victoria "Coach Vee" Baxter
If you’ve been single in the Charleston or Lowcountry area for any length of time, chances are you’ve heard (or said) one of these lines:
“Dating apps are a joke.”
“Everyone here knows everyone.”
“Church folks are no better — they just ghost with a Bible verse.”
Whew. Let’s talk about it.
As someone who’s coached countless singles through the ups and downs of modern dating, I’ve noticed that Charleston’s charm can be both a blessing and a curse. We live in a place full of beautiful people, Southern hospitality, and faith-filled communities — yet so many are still frustrated, confused, and lonely when it comes to love.
So what’s really going on?
The App Fatigue Is Real
Let’s start with the obvious: dating apps.
They’ve become the go-to for meeting people, especially since the pandemic. But they’ve also become a breeding ground for half-hearted effort. Swipe culture has made connection feel like a convenience instead of a commitment. People match, message for a few days, and then — poof — vanish.
Many Charleston singles tell me they’re tired of “pen pals” and “situationships.” The problem isn’t the apps themselves — it’s how people are using them. Real dating success doesn’t come from how many matches you get; it comes from the mindset you bring to each interaction.
Intentional dating requires more than a cute profile and witty banter. It requires clarity. If you don’t know who you are or what you want, you’ll keep attracting partners who reflect your confusion.
The Small-Town Effect
Despite being a growing city, Charleston still has a small-town social circle vibe. Everyone seems to know everyone — or has dated someone who knows someone. That can make things complicated quickly.
This interconnectedness can lead to what I call dating paranoia: overthinking every connection because you’re worried about running into your ex at brunch or finding out your new date once talked to your friend’s cousin.
But here’s the truth — community dating doesn’t have to be messy. It just demands maturity. You can’t control who people know, but you can control your energy and intentions. Emotional intelligence and boundaries are what keep dating drama from turning into social soap operas.
The Church Culture Challenge
Now let’s address the one that everyone whispers about but few want to say out loud: church culture.
Yes, faith is a beautiful foundation for love, especially here in the Holy City. But if we’re honest, some are attending church more for potential partners than for personal growth. And because the church dating pool can be small, many people end up recycling the same circles, creating unspoken tension or disappointment when things don’t work out.
On the flip side, others are so afraid of appearing “thirsty” or “out of order” that they avoid connection altogether. They confuse passivity with purity. Praying for love is powerful, but prayer should be partnered with preparation and positioning.
The healthiest relationships are born when two whole people meet — not two lonely ones hoping the other will fix what only healing can.
The Real Problem: Emotional Availability
Underneath all the apps, circles, and churches, there’s one deeper issue that keeps surfacing — emotional unavailability.
Many singles say they want love but fear vulnerability. They crave connection but haven’t done the inner work to make space for it. They want consistency but offer chaos. The truth is, you can’t build something healthy on a wounded foundation.
Wholeness matters. Healing matters. Having a vision for love matters. Without that, dating becomes a cycle of disappointment instead of a pathway to partnership.
The Way Forward: Wholeness + Intention
So where do we go from here?
If you’re single in the Lowcountry, this is your reminder that love isn’t hiding — it’s waiting for alignment.
The key is to stop approaching dating as a guessing game and start treating it like a growth journey. Heal what hurt you. Clarify what you need. And lead with who you are, not who you’re trying to impress.
One of my favorite tools for this is something I created called the Relationship Readiness Assessment, designed to help you identify what might be holding you back and what it’ll take to attract the relationship you’ve been praying for. Because when you’re emotionally healthy and spiritually aligned, the right connections tend to find you — without the chase.
Charleston’s dating scene may be small, but your possibilities aren’t. You just have to approach love differently. The good news? You can start today.
Victoria “Coach Vee” Baxter is a certified life, dating and relationship coach and founder of The New Love Collective, based in North Charleston, S.C. She helps single Christians heal, grow and date with intention so they can win at Kingdom love. Learn more at www.thenewlovecollective.com